Poem for Leo by Jane Smith (his Mummy)
We try to avoid counting the cost
Of everything we have now lost,
But focus instead on all that we gain
From a few months of pleasure mixed in with the pain
Of knowing you would not be with us for long,
Oh how we hoped we had it so wrong
As we waited each day for you lifting your head,
Never imagining by now you’d be dead.
We’re grateful for memories you’ve left with us:
The park, the beach, the ride on the bus.
You even enjoyed a trip on a boat
But the best was the bath where your limbs could float.
Your room, never used, where you watched the lights,
The hours in our bed throughout the long nights,
Your face peering out during trips in your sling
Your eyes as your brother started to sing.
Smiling at meals from your bouncy chair,
Your fingers, your toes, your fluffy black hair.
The party at grandma’s where you met everyone
Hoping relationships had just begun.
Your smiles on your mat as we helped you to kick,
Those last precious moments taking milk from a stick.
At the beginning and end in a pale blue sleepsuit,
Even in death looking so cute.
We will never know how much you knew
About all the things you would never do.
Yet knowing you’d only be with us a while
Meant we treasured each and every smile,
Saving the best for your much loved big brother
And privately sharing your struggles with mother.
We tried all we could to make life full of joy
Our beautiful, precious, innocent boy.
We know that at moments we’ll shed a tear
When often we wish that you were here,
And think of the things you would have been
Which will forever remain unseen.
You knew that it was time to go,
We’re just so thankful it was not slow.
We’d like to have you back but can’t,
Though we’re comforted knowing you’re with your great aunt.
We just pray that you’re in a happy place,
An angel bringing a smile to God’s face.
You were a gift we might not have had
And for that we will always be glad.
Although at the moment we’re so full of sorrow
Knowing you won’t be with us tomorrow,
We know that in time, God’s love so sublime
Will heal every heart that you touched.
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